I firmly believe that every once in awhile we should take a step back from our busy lives to acknowledge the ridiculousness that is Mike Tyson. This is the first of two posts dedicated to the most entertaining man in sports over the last 25 years.
Quotes
“I want to rip out his heart and feed it to him. I want to kill people. I want to rip their stomachs out and eat their children.”
(On his childhood) One morning I woke up and found my favorite pigeon, Julius, had died I was devastated and was gonna use his crate as my stickball bat to honor him. I left the crate on my stoop and went in to get something and I returned to see the sanitation man put the crate into the crusher. I rushed him and caught him flush on the temple with a titanic right hand he was out cold, convulsing on the floor like an infantile retard.”
“You’re sweet. I’m going to make sure you kiss me good with those big lips. I’m gonna make you my girlfriend.”
Tyson on Tyrell Biggs’ complaining to him about low blows “Low blows? Low blows? Huh! Motherfucker you’re fittin’ to die!”
“I think I’ll take a bath in his blood.”
Female Reporter: “Did you rape Desiree Washington?” Tyson: “No. Desiree Washington raped me.”
“I try to catch him right on the tip of the nose, because I try to push the bone into the brain.”
“My power is discombobulatingly devastating; I could feel his muscle tissues collapse under my force. It’s ludicrous these mortals even attempt to enter my realm.”
“I paid a worker at New York’s zoo to re-open it just for me and Robin. When we got to the gorilla cage there was one big silverback gorilla there just bullying all the other gorillas. They were so powerful but their eyes were like an innocent infant. I offered the attendant $10,000 to open the cage and let me smash that silverback’s snotbox! He declined.”
“I wish one of you guys had children so I could kick them in their fuckin’ head or stomp on their testicles, so you could feel my pain because that’s the pain I have, wakin’ up every day.”
[To a female reporter] “It’s no doubt I am going to win this fight and I feel confident about winning this fight. I normally don’t do interviews with women unless I fornicate with them. So you shouldn’t talk anymore… Unless you want to, you know.”
Real freedom is having nothing. I was freer when I didn’t have a cent. Do you know what I do sometimes? Put on a ski mask and dress in old clothes, go out on the streets and beg for quarters.”
“[He] called me a ‘rapist’ and a ‘recluse.’ I’m not a recluse.”
“I really dig Hannibal. Hannibal had real guts. He rode elephants into Cartilage.”
“I can sell out Madison Square Garden masturbating.”*
“I’m on the Zoloft to keep from killing y’all”
“I’m a historian, and that freaks me out”
“All praise is to Allah, I’ll fight any man, any animal, if Jesus were here I’d fight him too.”
*According to court documentation from Tyson’s rape trial, his penis is allegedly at least 14-inch long. So yes, he in fact could sell out MSG masturbating.
