So for the first part of my 2 part Mike Tyson blog I basically just posted some of my favorite Tyson quotes.  This entry will focus on what I think are the best Tyson videos on the internet.

With all the silliness around Mike Tyson these days, with his cameo in The Hangover,facial tattoos and appearing on the Spike TV videogame award show with the cast of The Jersey Shore,  its easy to forget what a force this man was when he was in the boxing ring.  These are a few reminders, check it.

This video is from a fight against Francois Botha, what I really like about this video is the announcers, listen to what they’re saying about Tyson throughout the whole video right until he knocks him out.

Two things about this video, check out the combination he unleashes on Bruno*.  Second check out the ref, its Mills Lane.**. “Let’s get it on”

This video is pretty silly, but it only get sillier from here on out.

Interviewer “Mike is that your shortest fight ever?”
Tyson “I’ve bared witness there’s only one god. And Mohammed blessed and peace be upon him in his prophet” blah blah blah.

Interviewer “So.. was this your shortest fight ever? Amateur , professional, ever?”
Tyson”Asa lama lakum maida!… umm. I don’t know man. Yeah, Yeah lennox Lewis I’m comin’ for you… I was gonna rip his heart out i’m the best ever… I WANT YOUR HEAT, I WANNA EAT HIS CHILDREN, PRAISE BE TO ALLAH!”

The interview is just over a minute long, and that rant is not even close to the best rant in it.

Two things about this video, ” I’ll eat your asshole alive” and “I’ll fuck you til you love me faggot”.  Everything in between is also gold.

“Are you talking out of turn? I normally don’t do anything with women unless I fornicate with them… So you shouldn’t talk anymore. Unless you wanna, you know…”

Tyson “I went to a strip club and I gave a dancer a lap dancer, but uh”
Interviewer “You gave her a lapdance?”
Tyson “That’s just what I do, I like to do what I want to do”

So Tyson was just on Dancing with the Stars in Italy.  Listen to him scream in the background as they announce his scores.  ” ahhh a 100 ahhh!”

This is probably one of the most “wtf” moments in television history.  Pairing a crackhead and rapist has never been this funny.  Ladies and gentlemen I present to you,  Bobby Brown and Mike Tyson singing Monster Mash.

Whats amazing is ,hypothetically speaking, anyone who didn’t know anything about Mike Tyson was probably just convinced that he is crazy, and I didn’t even have to mention the fact that he once successfully bit off a piece of a man’s ear in front of thousands of people while being watched by millions of people worldwide.  Its pretty sad that for most people the lasting image of Mike is gonna be of him biting off Holyfield’s instead of him at his greatest, in a vampire costume singing Monster Mash.

*up +b, up+b,up+a, up+b, start, start, start, up +b, start, up+ b, start. For you Punch-Out!! fans scoring at home. Basically its hard enough to pull off in a video game, let alone actually pulling it off in the ring.

** the only man in history to star as himself on tv in the courtroom (Judge Mills Lane) and in a claymation death ring (Celebrity Deathmath).

I firmly believe that every once in awhile we should take a step back from our busy lives to acknowledge the ridiculousness that is Mike Tyson.  This is the first of two posts dedicated to the most entertaining man in sports over the last 25 years.

Quotes

“I want to rip out his heart and feed it to him. I want to kill people. I want to rip their stomachs out and eat their children.”

(On his childhood) One morning I woke up and found my favorite pigeon, Julius, had died I was devastated and was gonna use his crate as my stickball bat to honor him. I left the crate on my stoop and went in to get something and I returned to see the sanitation man put the crate into the crusher. I rushed him and caught him flush on the temple with a titanic right hand he was out cold, convulsing on the floor like an infantile retard.”

“You’re sweet. I’m going to make sure you kiss me good with those big lips. I’m gonna make you my girlfriend.”

Tyson on Tyrell Biggs’ complaining to him about low blows “Low blows? Low blows? Huh! Motherfucker you’re fittin’ to die!”

“I think I’ll take a bath in his blood.”

Female Reporter: “Did you rape Desiree Washington?” Tyson: “No. Desiree Washington raped me.”

“I try to catch him right on the tip of the nose, because I try to push the bone into the brain.”

“My power is discombobulatingly devastating; I could feel his muscle tissues collapse under my force. It’s ludicrous these mortals even attempt to enter my realm.”

“I paid a worker at New York’s zoo to re-open it just for me and Robin. When we got to the gorilla cage there was one big silverback gorilla there just bullying all the other gorillas. They were so powerful but their eyes were like an innocent infant. I offered the attendant $10,000 to open the cage and let me smash that silverback’s snotbox! He declined.”

“I wish one of you guys had children so I could kick them in their fuckin’ head or stomp on their testicles, so you could feel my pain because that’s the pain I have, wakin’ up every day.”

[To a female reporter] “It’s no doubt I am going to win this fight and I feel confident about winning this fight. I normally don’t do interviews with women unless I fornicate with them. So you shouldn’t talk anymore… Unless you want to, you know.”

Real freedom is having nothing. I was freer when I didn’t have a cent. Do you know what I do sometimes? Put on a ski mask and dress in old clothes, go out on the streets and beg for quarters.”

“[He] called me a ‘rapist’ and a ‘recluse.’ I’m not a recluse.”

“I really dig Hannibal. Hannibal had real guts. He rode elephants into Cartilage.”

“I can sell out Madison Square Garden masturbating.”*

“I’m on the Zoloft to keep from killing y’all”

“I’m a historian, and that freaks me out”

“All praise is to Allah, I’ll fight any man, any animal, if Jesus were here I’d fight him too.”

*According to court documentation from Tyson’s rape trial, his penis is allegedly at least 14-inch long.  So yes, he in fact could sell out MSG masturbating.